Door #3: The Post Office
TODDY: Uurgh, if I wanted to hear sickening cheerfulness at this hour of night, I would have stayed in Tipsy Town with the rest of the elves! What's the matter with you today?
KLAUS: It's that magic stocking that we found in the school. He's been eating chocolate coins and Satsuma oranges out of it for hours, and now he's got a sugar high. By my calculations, he's consumed over a liter of table sugar and gods only know how much fructose....
JAMPA: Yes, Jampa is all FRUCT up! HA HA HA!
KLAUS: ...All right, I don't see any magical effects from out here. How does it look inside, Kabloo?
KLAUS: It's a letter--and it looks too new to be left-over from the villagers. Could this be related to the magical gifts? Some kind of message or boon?
KABLOO: Pah, who cares? Goblins don't bother with writing. Every sign you read, it's the same boring trash: "This building condemned!"; "Stop stealing my chickens!"; "This is not an outhouse!" If you can't sum up your feelings in a flaming sack on somebody's porch, keep 'em to yourself!
JAMPA: Little snow man doesn't trust the letter? Want Jampa to STAMP on it? HA HA HA!
If thou seekest the gift, beware!
One box unseal, none more,
Lest many blades spring-loaded leave
Thee bleeding on the floor.
The longest box of all abuts
Three daggers in disguise
All four must stay in paper wrapped
Lest knives shoot at thine eyes.
To choose a corner box would be
The apogee of woe
Grasp farther, near the longest beam
Or get shanked in the snow.
Reach not for all that glitters;
choose one and save your lives.
Yours soon shall be grand treasure, or
About a billion knives.
It's a riddle! A worthy challenge for my arcane scholarship! Whatever these "knives" symbolize, it can't be good, but never fear. Give me a moment to ponder, and I'll find us the treasure.
Several minutes and a subjective eternity later...
KLAUS: <mumble mumble> "apogee" obviously a lunar reference... green stripes... <mumble mumble> "longest" box diagonally, perhaps?... <mumble mumble>
TODDY: Listen up, this is serious. Forget liches, forget dragons--riddles are the party-killer. Me and some old stabbin' buddies of mine were in this dungeon once and we made it all the way to the end. We could see the mummy behind some kind of magic glass. All we had to do to open it was solve this goddamn riddle he has carved on the wall in hieroglyphics. Eight hours later, the orc had killed the priest, the witch had flown off in a huff, I was in a Schnapps coma and the bard was crying in the corner. Last thing I saw when I staggered outta there the next day was that mummy just smiling at me from behind the glass. He knew, the smug bastard... nothing breaks up a party like a riddle.
JAMPA: Little elf tells stories too slowly! Needs more... RAPID DELIVERY! HA HA HA!
KABLOO: Yes, we're in a post ofice! Those of us with brains are over it by now!
JAMPA: Little snow man is right... Jampa is dumb as a POST! HA HA HA!
TODDY: Oh gods, it's like it's happening again... I can smell the Schnapps....
KABLOO: I've got nothing against intra-party murder... but I'm not sure I can take either of you, so I'm going to go get this over with.
KABLOO: Hey, Klaus, did you figure it out yet?
KLAUS: I'm still making deductions. As you can see, the code is rather complex. Now, the little heart obviously stands for the animal kingdom, and the blue dots no doubt stand in for the nitrogen cycle, but the tree--
KABLOO: Have you narrowed it down, at least?
KLAUS: Yes, it will be one of the bottom boxes, but all of the others contain deadly traps!
KLAUS: No, wait! If that's the wrong one--
KLAUS: Hmm. There was no trap, so this must be the treasure, but...
TODDY: What is that, a firework? Is it even magical?
JAMPA: All fireworks are magical! And yeti say great good can come from small gifts.
KLAUS: That was an unexpected bit of wisdom after the mood you've been in today.
JAMPA: Is big hat man surprised that Jampa had something to EXPRESS? HA HA HA!
And so, that shameful pun still lingering in the air, the adventurers depart. Behind them lies an unsolved riddle and an overlooked gift in gilded paper. It holds a treasure that they will never receive. Somewhere, a frustrated GM weeps....
The Crunch: The Snowfall Skycandle
As there's no monster today and our intrepid adventurers missed their magical gift, the only new content is the Snowfall Skycandle, an alchemical device adapted from a wondrous item posted by "+2 DRaino" on the Paizo forum. Just a heads-up: There will be some days that are light on new rules content. It's not because I'm running out or short on time; it's just that the plot doesn't call for a new monster, spell, etc. every day.
Firework, Snowfall Skycandle (based on +2 DRaino's magical version)
Price 1,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
When lit, this nondescript white-capped skyrocket emits a frothy hiss and grows cold to the touch. One round later, it launched into the sky in a straight line and explodes with a barely-audible "puff," creating a cloud of pale mist 100 feet overhead (a snowfall skycandle launched horizontally will detonate after 100 feet of flight or whenever it strikes a solid object). Over the next five minutes, artificial snow falls in a 100-foot burst from the skycandle's point of detonation. Those in the area take a -4 penalty to Perception checks and ranged weapon attacks. Small, unshielded flames in the area have a 50% chance to be extinguished each turn. The snowfall leaves one inch of snow on the ground, which evaporates after 10 minutes. The artificial snow, while cool to the touch, is not cold enough to inflict damage or otherwise impede creatures.
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