Door #10: The Hotel
After a day of spilling his goblin guts about his plan to achieve vast magical powers, Kabloo's allies remain dubious about his claims...
KABLOO: Gyah, this is infuriating! I break down and tell you the secret of infinite power--violating my goblin ethics against helping people--and you mock me! Well, good! I'll take all the infinite power, and you two can suck it!
JAMPA: But Jampa doesn't want to suck it....
KABLOO: You will be made to suck it! That's what infinite power is for!
JAMPA: Jampa has a follow-up question. Does little snow man owe money to a very big man in a chef hat? If little snow man just tells Jampa now, Jampa won't be angry.
KABLOO: What in the name of the gods are you babbling-- Gyah! Toddy, look, there's something coming out of the roof!
Emitting not a sound but the eerie clack of wooden joints, a gigantic nutcracker soldier tears through the roof of the hotel and stiffly clambers into the snow outside!
JAMPA: RUN! Giant wooden man has a mixing bowl! He will grind Jampa's bones for his bread! Jampa saw recipe in Giant Homes and Gardens!
TODDY: Okay, okay, nobody panic. Just run in somewhere that he can't reach. Standard anti-giant tactics.
JAMPA: Little elf has procedure for giants?
TODDY: Damn right, from my days as an Elf Scout! Where do you think I got my first taste of the rogue life? "An Elf Scout is Always Prepared to Hide in a Crevice."
TODDY: Dammit! I bet he's going to grapple us. Big bastards like that just can't help wrestling everything they see. More CMB than they know what to do with.
TODDY: Jampa, this is one of the best stupid ideas you've ever had. You come at him off the room, and I'll get him from underneath!
JAMPA: Bzzz bzzz! Jampa is a bee! Jampa is going to get trapped in wooden giant's shirt and convince wooden giant never to wear clothes again! Suffer like Jampa suffered, wooden giant!
With a sure and heavy hand, the nutcracker smashes its wooden spoon into the flying yeti!
JAMPA: OOF! Giant is beating Jampa with wooden spoon! BONE BREAD HAS BEGUN!
As Toddy reaches the construct's wooden jaw and begins climbing its beard, however, the jaw opens to reveal ridged, slate-colored plates of adamantine. The snapping jaw traps Wedge, and as it clamps ever tighter, the magical axe's head creaks horribly under the strain!
TODDY: No! NO! We thought it was a grapple monster, but we were wrong... It's a SUNDER monster!
JAMPA: What's a "sunder monster", little elf?
TODDY: It's what we of the clothes-wearing peoples fear most, a monster who doesn't have the decency to just murder you, but goes after your precious gear! It's-- is that ADAMANTINE?! What kind of bastard god invented this thing?!
TODDY: Nobody cares, Kabloo! Just get in the fight before I have to rename my axe to "Biggs"!
KABLOO: Aaaargh! The ONE time I decide to tell the truth, and it HAS to be about space monsters. Fine, you just hang there in your... DEPTHS of your ignorance, Toddy! I'm going to summon a distraction to get the nutcracker over here, and then I'm going to KILL IT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE ME! MARCH OF PENGUINS!
The beleaguered roof of the hotel creaks as a massive, spine-covered penguin appears atop it!
KABLOO: Gya ha ha, JACKPOT! I knew if I just kept memorizing this spell and getting into fights every day, I'd eventually get to see the glory of the Pin-Guin! Attack, Pin-Guin! Show daddy all your prickly arctic glory!
Distracted by this pointiest and most massive of all flightless bird, the nutcracker soldier drops Toddy and hurls Jampa to the ground.
KABLOO: Yes, yes! Stick in his face like the cleats of an angry god! You know where I learned to summon mutant penguins, you fools? Space monsters! You CAN'T deny-- wait, guys? Guys?
KLAUS: Ho ho ho! It's me, Kabloo! Klaus! Not Klaus as you knew him, but Nicholas Klaus... Klaus the Red!
KABLOO: But... THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
KLAUS: I'll explain, but we must put first things first. DISPEL MAGIC!
With an earth-shaking crash, a spray of snow and an undeniable whiff of anticlimax, the nutcracker soldier collapses, its spark of magical animation extinguished.
KABLOO: Wow, really? I could have cast Dispel Magic.
KLAUS: Well, you didn't, so I did! It was the simplest way to solve the problem. My elves made this guardian for me, but they brought it to life with a simple Animate Objects spell... and their Caster Level was a joke, the adorable little fellows. Brilliant craftsmanship, though. Just look at those magnificent buttons! No one makes a button sparkle like a Hyperborean elf. They eat, breathe and bleed glitter.
TODDY: Wha... KLAUS! Oh shit, are we dead? Dammit, I should have EARNED my Giant Evasion merit badge instead of just stealing one from the fat kid!
KLAUS: You're alive and so am I, Toddy. In fact, I'm more alive now that I have been in some time. You see, back before that googli stole my memories, I had achieved a kind of immortality.
JAMPA: Funny hat man is a LICH?
KLAUS: Ho ho, no, of course not! Liches can't have beards; it's a path of unimaginable sacrifice. Instead, back when I was known as Nicholas, I simply tied my life force to annual cycles. I don't exist for most of the year, but I show up right around the Long Nights, and I'm automatically resurrected within days should I be murdered or fall off a roof or what-have-you. For many, many years now, I've been wandering with amnesia due to that googli's attack. But a good resurrection snapped me right out of it!
TODDY: YOU'RE Nicholas?! I've heard stories about you all my life! Elves had jobs in those stories, so I figured they were bullshit, but still! Are you gonna start up the workshops again so we can get the hell out of Tipsytown? Things are bad, Klaus. We lost a whole tenement building in a Jello-shot fire last month.
KLAUS: Well, that all depends on whether we can stop the nefarious plans of an honest-to-goodness SPACE MONSTER!
KABLOO: HA HA HA! I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU!
The Crunch: March of Penguins, the Pin-Guin, the penguin swarm, the Animated Nutcracker Sentinel, and Shining Sugar Plums
The party is still sitting on a bunch of treasure from the curio owl's hoard, but they haven't identified it yet. They'll do that as part of tomorrow's entry, so that's where we'll get stats for the functional items in that pile.
It's a good thing, too, because today's entry is bursting with crunch already. We've got new features for animated objects, a new swarm write-up and a brand new monster, a new spell (March of Penguins, which has come up before but has awaited a write-up until I could reveal its Pin-Guin feature), and today's gift, which comes to us from my girlfriend Katrina, who has been instrumental in both creating this project and tolerating its totally ridiculous demands on my time.
New Spell
March of Penguins
School conjuration (summoning)
Level druid 3, sorcerer/wizard 3, summoner 3
Casting
Casting Time 1 round
Components V, S, DF
Effect
Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect swarm of penguins or one pin-guin
Duration 10 rounds
Saving Throw none; Spell Resistance no
Description
You call on strange snow spirits to summon either a marching swarm of penguins or a single pin-guin. Each time you cast the spell, make a percentile roll. On a roll of 01-95, you summon a penguin swarm; on a 96-100, you summon a pin-guin.Penguin Swarm: This swarm has the statistics of a penguin swarm. Unlike other summoned creatures, the swarm cannot understand or obey commands. It simply moves at 20 feet per round (or 80 feet per round when swimming) in a direction chosen by the caster at the time of summoning, diverting course only as necessary to avoid obstructions. Those in the area of a penguin swarm created by this spell suffer the usual effects, but the swarm is not aggressive, passing by creatures in its path to continue its march. If the swarm cannot continue its march in the original direction, it will choose a new direction at random.
Pin-guin: This pin-guin has the usual statistics. It understands and obeys your commands.
New Monsters
Penguin (adapted from D&D 3.5 version at DM Tools) CR 1/4
XP 100
N Tiny animal
Init +2; Senses Low-light vision; Perception +2
Defense
AC 16 (+2 size, +2 dex, +2 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
hp 6 (1d8+2)
Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +1
Offense
Speed 10ft., swim 40 ft.
Melee Attack: Peck +4 melee (1d3-4)
Space 2-1/2 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Statistics
Abilities Str 3, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 5
Base Atk +0; CMB -6; CMD 6
Feats Weapon Finesse
Skills Perception +2, Swim +10
Special Abilities
Belly Slide (Ex): A penguin can fall prone onto its belly allowing to slide along slippery surfaces or snow. Its move speed changes to 30ft, and is prone at the end of its movement. A penguin can only perform this action on snowy or slippery surfaces (such as ice or oil slicked floors).
Hold Breath (Ex): A penguin can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 6 times its Constitution score (84 minutes) before it risks drowning.
Penguin Swarm CR 2
XP 600
N Tiny animal (swarm)
Init +6; Senses Low-light vision; Perception +6
Defense
AC 16 (+2 size, +2 dex, +2 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 14
hp 19 (3d8+6)
Fort +5, Ref +5, Will +2
Defensive Abilities swarm traits (as a swarm of tiny creatures, a Penguin Swarm takes only half damage from piercing and slashing attacks)
Offense
Speed 10ft., swim 40 ft.
Melee Swarm (1d6)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 0 ft.
Special Attacks distraction (DC 13)
Statistics
Abilities Str 3, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 5
Base Atk +2; CMB --; CMD --
Feats Improved Initiative, Skill Focus (Percption)
Skills Perception +6, Swim +11
SQ Hold breath, low-light vision, belly slide.
Special Abilities
Belly Slide (Ex): Swarming penguins can fall prone onto their bellies to slide along slippery surfaces or snow. The swarm's move speed changes to 30ft. A penguin swarm can only perform this action on snowy or slippery surfaces (such as ice or oil slicked floors).
Hold Breath (Ex): A penguin swarm can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 6 times its Constitution score (84 minutes) before it risks drowning.
This large, almost humanoid penguin is covered in slick black spines that come to pin-like points. Their menace contrasts with the creature's innocuous, expressive eyes and stunted, blunt beak.
Pin-Guin CR 3
XP 800
NE Large magical beast
Init +2; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision; Perception +5
Defense
AC 15, touch 11, flat-footed 13 (+2 Dex, +4 natural, -1 size)
hp 30 (4d10+8)
Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +2
Defensive Abilities spiny defense
Offense
Speed 30 ft., swim 40 ft.
Melee 2 spines +6 (1d8+2 plus grab)
Special Attacks impale 2d8+3, trample (1d8+3, DC 14)
Statistics
Str 15, Dex 14, Con 14, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 11
Base Atk
Skills Perception +5, Swim +12; Racial Modifiers +8 Swim
Special Qualities hold breath
Languages Aklo, Common
Ecology
Environment cold plains
Organization solitary
Treasure none
Special Abilities
Hold Breath (Ex): A pin-guin can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 6 times its Constitution score (84 minutes) before it risks drowning.
Spiny Defense (Ex) A creature that strikes a pin-guin with a melee weapon, an unarmed strike, or a natural weapon takes 1d4 points of piercing damage from the pin-like spines. Melee weapons with reach do not endanger a user in this way.
Impale (Ex) A pin-guin deals 2d8+3 points of piercing damage to a grabbed opponent with a successful grapple check.
Pin-guins are naive but malicious creatures of unknown alien provenance. Some believe that they originated from mundane pengins mutated by extraterrestrial energy, while others claim that the species itself originates from beyond the stars. In any case, breeding populations of pin-guins now exist in numerous remote, cold locations where contact with other worlds has left its mark.
Pin-guins are barely sapient, but combine childlike reasoning with a truly malevolent will. They delight in the company of other creatures, but only to observe their reactions to impalement upon the pin-guin's vicious spines. Pin-guins hunt for sustenance and pleasure by rolling their bulbous bodies into prey, then grabbing fallen targets and impaling them on the pin-guin's spines until dead.
Nutcracker Sentinel CR 7
XP 3,200
N Huge construct
Init -2 Senses darkvision 60, low-light vision; Perception -5
Defense
AC 15, touch 6, flat-footed 15 (-2 Dex, +9 natural, -2 size)
hp 78 (7d10+40 size)
Fort
Str 30, Dex 6, Con -, Int -, Wis 1, Cha 1
Base Atk +7 CMB +19 (+21 CMB) CMD 27
SQ 5 construction points (additional natural attack, adamantine attack, clunky, constrict, grab, shell-cracking attack, slower), staggered
Special Abilities
Shell-cracking (Ex) When a nutcracker sentinel would otherwise apply constrict damage against an armored creature, it applies damage to the armor instead. Hardness applies as usual, but the nutcracker sentinel uses its adamantine bite for this attack, and therefore ignores hardness under 20. Against opponents with no armor or ruined armor, the nutcracker applies constrict damage normally.
Throughout Hyperborea, patrons have paid Hyperborean elves handsomely to build them nutcracker sentinels. Each nutcracker sentinel has a unique design; a sentinel's slam attack is normally some accessory of its occupation (for example, this nutcracker, with its chef design, uses a wooden spoon for its slam attack).
The construction requirements below represent a bare-bones model capable of combat, but of little artistic value. Most nutcracker sentinels are pieces of art in their own right, and have a correspondingly high cost to account for decorative features.
Nutcracker Sentinel
Nutcrackers require little more than time and quality lumber to craft, except for their armor-cracking adamantine mouths, which cost 3,000 gp.
CL 7th; Price 17,000 gp
Construction Requirements
Craft Construct, animate objects, permanency; Skill Craft (carpentry); Cost 10,000 gp
NEW ANIMATED OBJECT ABILITIES
Metal Attack (1 or 3 CP) One of the construct's attacks uses a special material. A silver or cold iron attack costs 1 CP, while an adamantine attack costs 3 CP. Only the striking surface of the attack is constructed of the special material. The construct as a whole recieves no DR, AC bonus or other benefits.
Shell-Cracking (1 CP) When the construct would otherwise apply constrict damage against an armored creature, it applies damage against the creature's armor instead. Hardness applies normally. The object must have constrict before it can take this ability.
The Gift
Shining Sugar Plums (courtesy of Clumsymouth on the Paizo forums)Aura moderate abjuration and enchantment; CL 9th
Slot --; Price 600 gp; Weight --
Description
These rounded lumps of purple frosted glass bear a striking resemblance to their confectionary namesake. When a command word is spoken they become edible and glow softly. The sugar plum can now be presented to a fey of neutral alignment. The target must make a DC 17 Will save to resist taking it. If accepted the fey will be good aligned, and act accordingly for one day. For the next nine days, the fey keeps the sugar plum in their possesion, each day they must again make a DC17 Will save, or eat the sugar plum. If it is eaten their alignment is changed to good, as though redeemed per atonement. If the fey is not naturally able to change their alignment eating the sugar plum will only change their alignment to good for one additional day. In all cases, after ten days the item's magic is depleted and can not be recharged.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, atonement, charm monster; Cost 300 gp
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