12 Doors of Christmas, year 2: Door #2

Door #2: The Lake House (Front Door)

A bright dawn rises over Canterbury Lane and casts its gleaming rays through the tavern windows, sending hung-over elves scrambling for the exit like cockroaches from a flash-bang. The last to stagger from the quaint  tavern are our heroes, squinting in the morning sun and looking thoroughly sauced.

TODDY: (hic) Well, gennlemen, this stake-out's officially a bust. Fifteen hours of of watching this stupid burg like a hawk and the only one who tried to kill anybody or steal anything was me.
KABLOO: Those in-suff-a-ba-rull elven carolers had it coming, the foolish... fools. That third carol was definitely about your mother... Urg, I miss the bar in Gobstop. Without some violence to chase it, all this alcohol just feels depressing. The gift appeared over three hours ago at the house on the lake, and nobody's come snooping yet, so I suggest–
JAMPA: Shhh, little drunken friends! Jampa is trying to smell something over your little rummy breaths! Jampa smells... fish? By the lake?

TODDY: Flipperfolk! I shoulda known those black-and-white bastards were behind this. Totally ruthless. They're tough as hell, and they'll do anything for a buck.
KABLOO: Pah, can't be them. Even those nincompoops elf cops couldn't have missed these behemoths fleeing a crime scene. But, then, we missed them... and at least two of us are nincompoops....
JAMPA: Jampa better at interrogating than speculating. Jampa likes to stick to core competencies! RRAAAAHH!

 With a feral charge across the snow, Jampa tears into the looming, beady-eyed menace!

FLIPPERFOLK #1: Kwaa!

JAMPA: Don't cry to Jampa, penguin man! Penguin man broke the law in Detective Jampa's town! WHAT ABOUT THE RIGHTS OF THAT LITTLE ELF, PENGUIN MAN?

 The second flipperfolk thug viciously toboggans into Jampa, bowling him over and cutting him off mid-monologue!

KABLOO: (Huff, huff) All right, I sloshed all the way over here with a belly full of cheap wine, and now it's time to... to...

 In a moment of sheer, pants-wetting size disparity, the two most nefarious penguins in the north raise their stout selves to full height, taking our heroes aback!

FLIPPERFOLK #1 and #2: Kwaaa kwaa kwaa.

KABLOO: ...the idea of being killed by a penguin gets less funny when you have to seriously confront it.

TODDY: I don't have to confront a goddamn thing! I'm been drinking all night, and my capacity for bad decisions is off the fuckin' charts! Just wait till Jampa gets to his feet, you blubbery motherfuckers...

FLIPPERFOLK #2: KWAAA!
TODDY: SNEAK ATTACK! FROM FLANKING, BUT STILL! Just like the old days, eh, Jampa?
JAMPA: Ha ha, fighting is just like riding a bike, little elf. CAN ONLY END IN BIKE'S DEATH OR JAMPA'S!

KABLOO: (hic) Not used to fighting drunk... (hic) stupid boozy elf is a bad influence on me... (hic)
FLIPPERFOLK #1: Kwaa!
KABLOO: Think, Kabloo... you're a druid... a spell! Any spell! Uh... stupid giant spell list!

KABLOO: Come on, brain... sort by high-level, most humiliating... ah, there we are. Baleful polymorph!

Suddenly, where a giant penguin with useless wings had stood but moments before, only a tiny rabbit with useless everything remains!

KABLOO: Gya ha, who's the big man now, tiny rabbit? Hint: Not the tiny rabbit!

KABLOO: All right, you great flightless oaf. You're flanked, your friend's a bunny, and whatever we do to you next, no apple-cheeked elf jury will ever convict us. Are you coming along peacefully, or do I get more pictures for my illicit-grave-digging scrapbook?
FLIPPERFOLK #2: (resignedly) ...kwaa.
TODDY: Hot damn, a captive! Let's doggy-bag this son-of-a-bitch and take him home to question later, after we sleep off the stake-out. Jampa, you get a statement from the elves in the lake house and take their gift for evidence.

As the half-yeti hangs back to claim the day's gift and track mud all over the carpet of some long-suffering civilians, he spies the trembling white rabbit that was once a burly penguin-man!

 

JAMPA: Aw, bunny! Jampa's head says "evil," but Jampa's heart says "fuzzy." Jampa will take bunny home for further deliberation. Fuzzy bunny likes deliberation, yes he does! Coochie coo!

Later, in the festively-decorated dungeon of Nicholas' Tower...

NICHOLAS: You all did the right thing bringing this thief to me. I'm honestly a little surprised you didn't just interrogate him with violence, instead of bringing him to me for the subtle approach.
KABLOO: Er, yes, well, he doesn't speak Common. He just goes "kwaa." I don't clutter up my valuable spell slots with non-murder spells like comprehend languages, but I know you like that sort of thing, so we decided to hand him over to you.
TODDY: As soon as making him go "kwaa" stopped being fun.
NICHOLAS: You're clinging to Chaotic Neutral by your fingernails, aren't you, Toddy? Comprehend languages!
FLIPPERFOLK #1: Get these lunatics away from me! I'm just a soldier for the flipperfolk mob! We caught wind about the gifts in your little town and decided to grab 'em! We're hiding in your lake... we burrow through ice, ya know? Got the whole thing full of makeshift ice caves for bolt holes, and we come and go as we please! Now, please, tell these little nutjobs to lay off! 

NICHOLAS: The lake... no! Gear up and meet me at the lake house, all of you! No time to explain!
TODDY: What the hell, not even a pompous speech about how much danger we're in? Nick must be scared if he doesn't even have time to lecture us.
KABLOO: Just like the old do-gooder to run off half-cocked after a single question. Anybody with half a brain would still be grilling the prisoner right now.

JAMPA: WHAT IS LITTLE RABBIT'S NAME, PENGUIN MAN? JAMPA NEEDS TO KNOW TO KNIT STOCKING!
FLIPPERFOLK: (sigh) Kwaa.

The Crunch: Flipperfolk and the Jolly Jingle Hat

NEW WONDROUS ITEM

Jolly Jingle Hat
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 11th
Slot head; Price 20,000 gp; Weight –
Description
A gleaming golden bell dangles pendulously from the curled tip of this jaunty red-and-green hat. Even at the grimmest moments, the goofy hat and its tinkling, bobbing bell carry an intangible air of levity. Three times per day, as an immediate action upon taking damage from a sonic, force, or bludgeoning attack, the wearer can cause her bell to jingle ridiculously from the impact, affecting a target within 80 feet as per hideous laughter (Will negates, DC 19; the target doesn't receive a bonus to the roll for having a type different from the caster's). The effect's full duration is three rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Quicken Spell, hideous laughter; Cost 10,000 gp

NEW MONSTER

Flipperfolk

A tall, stout, vaguely humanoid penguin waddles toward you in an incongruously jolly red hat. Its beady eyes betray no emotion, but its its muscular flippers twitch menacingly.

Flipperfolk CR 7

XP 3,200

CN Large monstrous humanoid

Init +3; Senses low-light vision, darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +11

DEFENSE

AC 17, touch 13, flat-footed 13 (+3 Dex, +1 dodge, +4 natural, -1 size)

hp 95 (10d10+40)

Fort +6, Ref +10, Will +10

Immune cold

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft., swim 60 ft.

Melee 2 slams +14 (1d6+3), peck +16 (1d6+6)

Special Attacks ice fisher, trample (1d6+9, DC 21)

Statistics

Str 22 Dex 17, Con 17, Int 8, Wis 13, Cha 10

Base Atk +10; CMB +17; CMD 30

Feats Dodge, Iron Will, Multiattack, Power Attack, Toughness

Skills Intimidate +11, Perception +11, Survival +11, Swim +25

Languages Flipperfolk

SQ amphibious, belly slide

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Belly Slide (Ex) A flipperfolk can fall prone onto its belly allowing to slide along slippery surfaces or snow. Its move speed changes to 40ft, and it is prone at the end of its movement. A penguin can only perform this action on snowy or slippery surfaces (such as ice or oil slicked floors). Flipperfolk can combine this ability with a trample.

Ice Fisher (Su) As a move action, a flipperfolk can transform ice into cold water, or vice versa. A single use of this ability can affect enough ice or water to fill 12 5-foot-by-5-foot cubes. The flipperfolk must be touching the ice or water to be affected, and can shape the effect into a line or cylinder, for example, but can't achieve precise detail. Fliperfolk most commonly use this ability to create fishing holes or impromptu escape routes, or to excavate water-filled lairs beneath the ice. If a flipperfolk uses this ability offensively to attempt to freeze an opponent in ice or sink him in water, the target receives a Reflex save at DC 18 to evade the attack by climbing atop the freezing water, leaping aside from the ice as it liquifies, etc. This save DC is Constitution-based.

Trample (Ex) Flipperfolk trample using a sliding motion, so they can only trample on slippery surfaces like ice and snow.

ECOLOGY

Environment Cold water

Organization Solitary or pair

Treasure Standard

Flipperfolk, also known as “penguin people,” are ruthless and self-interested creatures whose interactions with other intelligent beings extend only to warding them off from flipperfolk territory, robbing them of valuable, or hunting them for meat during exceptionally hard winters. Flipperfolk subsist on fish whenever possible and have no use for luxuries like fine food, alcohol, or warm houses. However, they do have their practical uses for wealth, and many turn to crime to bring money into their subsistence fishing communities. The flipperfolk mob is a force to be reckoned with throughout the far north, despite its limited penetration into the densest urban centers.

Flipperfolk culture encourages clannishness on one hand and amoral selfishness on the other. A flipperfolk will never physically harm another flipperfolk, and will rarely behave unkindly toward one. However, flipperfolk feel absolutely no moral obligation to other life forms, and will harm or rob them as much as they find convenient. Flipperfolk are most dangerous when encountered guarding their colony's territory, or immediately before hatching a new egg; flipperfolk who are about to be parents like to lay up wealth to help raise and protect the child, so expecting couples often make raids together against nearby settlements.